bila tiang tak kukuh, bangunan mudah runtuh kan?

kau benci tak bila orang cakap macam-macam pada kau n that person makes u look like an idiot?aku benci bila pendirian aku tak kuat, tak teguh, so akhirnya aku akan lebih banyak mendengar kata-kata orang di sekeliling. this is how i grew up. aku membesar dengan keadaan di mana aku lebih banyak mendengar cakap-cakap orang daripada percaya dengan keputusan yang dibuat sendiri.


aku jadi wild masa aku sekolah menengah dulu pun sebab terikut-ikut member yang kureng sikit perangainya. cerita ini panjang sebenarnya, tapi aku mahu jadi hipokrit, aku mahu kau anggap aku macam budak baik, sedangkan aku tau itu bukan diri aku, dan keputusannya aku tidak mahu elaborate disini apa benda wild aku pernah buat masa zaman muda remajaku dulu. bila ingat balik kenapa aku jadi macam tu ye?n obviously sebab aku terlalu taksub dengan cakap kawan-kawan. aku percaya diorang lagi tau daripada aku. padahal diorang tu sama bodoh je macam aku. tapi mana nak sedar semua tu bila pada masa tu kita rasa dunia kita yang punya. aku pernah potong rambut pendek mcm budak lelaki pun sebab ikut cakap kawan. bila tengok balik gambar lama dengan rambut pendek ala-ala tomboy aku rasa nak gelak. sekarang ni pun rambut aku tak sepanjang mana, cecah bahu pun tidak, tapi aku gunting rambut pendek ala-ala selebriti. dan aku rasa aku nampak comel dengan gaya rambut sekarang, tapi ada permintaan supaya rambut dibiarkan panjang. dan aku pun menurut juga cakap-cakap itu. sedangkan aku sendiri rasa rimas dengan keadaan rambut yang panjang. tapi hal-hal rambut ni masih boleh tolerate lagi. sebab tu aku tak kecoh bila disuruh membiarkan saja rambut tumbuh panjang, supaya boleh dibentuk, dan dibuat curl, agar tampak lebih menawan. tapi aku bukannya nak cerita pasal rambut.


walaupun aku membesar dalam keluarga yang di anggap agak sempurna keadaanya. tapi aku tetap rasa aku tak sebulu dengan mak abah dalam banyak hal. ni semua cerita masa zaman remaja. sekarang ni bila dah besar, aku malas nak argue dengan mak abah, sebab aku rasa aku dah banyak buat dosa, kenapa aku mesti tambah dosa dengan jadi anak derhaka. ok, back to the story, the point is, aku lagi banyak dengar cakap kawan daripada cakap mak abah masa aku membesar, ni dalam lingkungan umur dari 9 sampai 18 taun kot. aku banyak kali lawan cakap mak aku. aku tak rasa mak bukanlah seseorang yang kita leh jadikan kawan masa umur dalam peringkat nak mengenal diri. sebab aku rasa kata-kata kawanlah yang paling betul. ini membuatkan aku risau, kalau aku ada anak remaja suatu hari nanti, adakah dia akan jadi seperti aku, dan persoalan seperti ini lah yang membantutkan idea nak membina keluarga. aku takut dengan kanak-kanak, lagi takut dengan remaja.


dan bila umur dah mencecah 23 tahun sekalipun, aku masih rasa yang banyak keputusan yang aku buat dalam hidup ni bukan sepenuhnya aku yang buat. lebih banyak dengar cakap orang dan rasa keputusan yang datang daripada mulut orang jauh lebih bernas daripada idea aku sendiri. hal-hal sebegini yang buat aku rasa sangat-sangat tertekan kadang-kadang. sampai boleh buat aku jatuh sakit. dah beberapa kali jadi macam ni, tapi aku tetap juga jadi seorang yang tidak teguh pendiriannya. kenapa agaknya? dan sampai bila perkara sebegini harus dibiarkan?


persoalannya, adakah aku lagi bahagia jika membuat keputusan berdasarkan cakap-cakap orang?hati siapa yang perlu aku jaga terlebih dulu?hati sendiri atau hati orang-orang lain?



p/s smlm de org bgtau...kdg2 kwn2 ni byk m'bantu, tp kdg2 de gk yg jd 'hantu'...mmm, lu pikirlah sendiri, seperti kata nabil yang comel itu...oh, dan aku terserempak dgn 'Amat bang bang boom'...dan dia sgt comel berbaju kemeja hijau epal...tersenyum riang sendiri hanya dlm hati sbb org sebelah jeles ;p

Someone who doesn't really need your help will still ask you to lend them a hand.

Should i feel flattered or annoyed??

apa nk jadi

manusia ni mmg d lahirkn dgn perasaan yg x pernah puas...de je bnde yg x kena...x penah nk rse b'syukur atas pe yg Allah da berikn...ak bknnye mgutuk sesape, ni hakikat yg ak tujukn pd diri sndr...tp pd sesapa yg trase 2, naseb korg la kn...

tp ak de 1 situasi...tp x sure la ptt ke x ak meluahkn situasi t'sebut dlm blog ni...yela, ak xnk la pisang b'buah 2 kali...sekali kne, xkn la x serik2 lg...oleh itu demi m'jaga hati pihak2 yg t'libat...bek ak rahsiakn shj cite itu...lgpn org yg ak mksdkn 2, kawan ak jgk..mst dia pn x ske klu ak hebahkn cite dia 2 pd public...cuma yg wat ak x phm, pe la yg dia x puas ati sgt...bnde 2 dtg ngn full package tp dia still x puas ati lg...pe yg sbnrnye dia harapkn...xde pe pn kt dunia ni yg sempurna, so knpe msti dia mntk ak wat sumthing like 'dat', its funny actually ble fikir2 blk...mngkin cite ni t'lmpau discreet smpi org pn x phm pe yg ak nk smpikn sbnrnye...tp ini lebih bek drpd ak spill everything in here, n end up b'gado ngn org 2...

pd ak ni la gunanye blog...tmpt ak nk spill everything, cite sedih (wuwuwuwu), cite hepi (:D), cite yg bese2, xpn kengkadang merapu je ikut ske kt cni...ak anggap blog as a therapy..hehe...weird ke??klu pn ak pelik, lg ramai org yg lg pelik drpd ak kt luar sne..sekian shj berita pd hr ini..wassalam

even tho i didnt start today with a big smile on my face (sbb since jd demo lab, tetiap hr isnin je ak dh stat bad mood, if only budak2 tu x wat ak pening kepala..mmm)...tp as soon as ak bukak frenste, i notice something in 1 of my fren's profile...he adds something new pd frenste dia, which is sooo not him, n thats make me laugh really big...n the only word yg keep spinning dlm kepala ak ni...P**HE*** + L**** (kne letak asterisk, kot2 dia t'baca bnde ni, n dia tau ak kutuk dia, sj cr nahasss.hehehe)...i know, its not a good thing to say that to ur fren, tp dh xleh nk cover, mmg tu jela ayat yg sesuai ak gunakn..muahaha...I'M SOOO EVIL

tp bila fikir2 balik, i can see the reason why he did that...mybe dorg dh berbaik2 kot, thats why la...n hopefully dia x sebok2 b'cerita pd ak lg, n this time i really hope it lasts, stop bothering me with ur problems...ak pnt jd tpt aduan masalah ni...ak pn de mslh ak sndr okke...n smpi skrg ak msh boleh t'gelak (klu leh siap nk golek2 atas lantai, tp nnt kotor baju, n org kate x sopan plak, gile pn ye...bahaya!!)...

n 1 more thing...i got a crazy proposition from 1 of my frens too (ni kwn lain)...let me rephrase, "CRAZY" proposition, got it??...i still cant believe he actually said all of those things, so weird n believe me i still cant get myself to believe all the things he said...i'm not the sort of a person yg cpt sgt terima kenyataan...not like my sis, yg xleh klu org provoke dia, dia terima je...klu org kata A, A la, x leh tukar2 jd B ke, Z ke...this simply because sy ni x mudah percayakn org...tp mybe one of these days, i'll believe him (maybe)...its hard to start all over again, u know, believing n trusting...its not easy, i've let my guard down before, n its ugly...juz ruin everything...so, basically i've a concrete reason to be paranoid, rite??



"life is unpredictable...sometimes it can be fun, frustrating, wonderful, n even heartbreaking...but that what makes it so beautiful..."

~~~~~~~------~~~~~~~

this is juz soooo pathetic...in order for us in this house to get free access to wifi available from kfc downstairs...we have to actually grab a chair and sit at the balcony, juz to get a signal...this is insane, however i'm not gonna complaint much coz like i said...its free, so juz have to deal with it

Yesterday

080808

nice numbers, only comes once in a lifetime...were said to be the luckiest day for the chinese (n for most of the people who believe it)...however, that day were not the lucky date for some...a friend of mine lost her sister, yesterday early morning (not really sure the COD, but my friend's sister had been in a coma for about 3 months, if i'm not mistaken)...n i lost a friend just before the clock strikes twelve (just 'lost', not dead)

i'm not crying (i did, last night, for about 5 minutes, i guess)...but after that, it seems like everything went back to normal...as if nothing ever happens...i dunno, i guess i'm not really serious, not really care, not really sincere having that relationship at the first place...who knows it better other than Him, so i put everything in His hands...for quite some time i think about the decision that i made last night...as far as i know, everything that i ever promise about this special yet complicated friendship, i never take it seriously...not even once, i broke each and every little promises...n yet somehow, i never regret any of it...it has been a roller coaster journey, which had never been intended at the very beginning...but still, i try to put everything behind me...i know it will never come to a good end, neither do i know that it will going to be this bad...having said all that, i'm wishing for his well-being n happiness from afar

and as a servant to His Almighty, all i can do is seeking His forgiveness n praying for all the great things in life to come...not only for me, but for others as well...

"WHEREVER YOU GO AND FIND DARKNESS IN YOUR LIFE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO LIGHT THE LAMP WITHIN YOURSELF"

"Lessons Learned" by Carrie Underwood

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

p/s am i learning my lessons yet? only He knows

Behind Closed Door

when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us

ini namanya org yg dh tak tau nk wat pe di hujung minggu dengan adanya wireless network di rumah...browsing thru org len pnye blog, surf internet segala, then stumble this website yg bg free service in editing pictures...haa, pe lagi, meh la ramai2 men edit2 gambo, best gk, tp time takde keje (or buat2 takde keje.hehe) la...kalau de keje, takde maknenye nak men bnde alah ni...

feel a lil' bit disappointed last nite...plan yg tak m'jadi, nk sedih pn tak larat, pe lagi nk marah2...so, juz anggap takde rezeki jela, mybe better luck next time...

dah tak tau nak rse pe hari ni...byk bnde dlm kepala ni, rse serabut je...tak tau la smpi ble nk rse mcm ni...

Biar Menjadi Kenangan

Aku dan kamu takkan tahu
Mengapa kita tak berpisah
Walau kita takkan pernah satu

p/s found this lyric when browsing thru my sis's laptop...relate to anyone?? of course, if not what's the point of posting it in my blog, rite??

mengantuk

no explanation needed...i'm juz soooo sleepy rite now...alangkah indahnya kehidupan bila sejuk2 mcm hari ni, dpt lelap mata kat umah...huk3

~Kabur~

Perasaan itu hadir lagi
Mengisi segenap ruang hatiku
Tak lama dahulu
Kubiar ia bersarang jauh di sudut hatiku
Agar tak lagi ku temuinya
Namun ia kembali
Biar berat hati ini menerima kenyataan
Namun
Ku gagahi diriku melangkah
Biar kabus mengelilingiku
Mengaburi penglihatan

Uppaaaa.....

Yeah..."speed racer" is out in cinema...n the only reason i'm watching this is bcoz of my uppa..."RAIN" ngeh ngeh ngeh (^,^)v

dh lme tnggu cite ni (since tau my "uppa" b'lakon dlm movie ni.hehe)...n i've watched it yesterday...since i'm not a movie reviewer, i can't really tell whether it's a good movie or not, but it's something worth to be watched by any RAIN's kipas-susah-mati...at first i thought he will be making a cameo appearance je sbb lmbt gk la watak dia nk kuar...then, i realize watak RAIN pn penting gk la...n he look so cool n dayah can't stop herself from screaming each time RAIN (a.k.a Taejo Togokhan) make an appearance...hehe

The Star gives 3 out of 5 star for the movie...n it doesn't really matter to me, since the only reason i watch the movie is solely bcoz of RAIN...;p

p/s: note to dayah, len kali kalau de cite yg pusing2 mcm roller coaster, ak x ajak ko la...takut ko muntah2 mcm smlm.hehe...."mabuk movie"

Tajuk lagu: PULANGKAN (Berita harian ver)

Secantik paper yg menggoda
Sekadar dibaca bukan dirembat
Kau pasti x percaya paperku bkn utkmu sayang
Tiada ku sangka kau sungguh kejam
Kau rembat berita harian yg kau pinjam
Namun x kan bahgia kehidupanmu
Bila pengurus dah tahu
Kau milikku..

Pulangkan berita harian ku
Oh hentikanlah menghantuiku
Oh pulangkan oh pulangkanlah padaku…
Ku pulangkan berita harianmu
Yang dikau rembat tanpa relaku
Bebaskanlah maafkan aku oh kasih….

Tiada kemafan disini
Kau ragut berita harian dengan free
Akan kujejakimu ke mana jua
Hingga akhir masa..
Erina~~~~~~~~~~~


ni lagu yg di gubah khas oleh housemate sy utk sy dsbbkn 1 kejadian (embrassing!!) yg x d sengajakn berlaku 2 weeks ago...sounds funny ble nyanyi ala2 misha omar...ko mmg terer la dayah...ko jd penulis lirik jela cmni...xyah g kuar masuk hutan lg..hehe

~today~

today (28th april)....
new post...another blog...
inspiration comes whenever i have less than anything to think about...
so...
have a happy n great day today...
as much as yesterday n tomorrow as well...