the end

end of 2010.
new 2011.

how both of us ends it and welcoming the new year?by ber'zakat'. we both feel very much relieved now. kurang rasa beban. rasa lebih 'bersih'. bukan beban apa. tapi beban perasaan. selalu rasa duit yang ada tak pernah cukup. memang begitu pun rasanya kalau ada komitmen dan gaji yang diterima hanya cukup-cukup. cukup-cukup untuk bayar itu ini. tapi bila tersedar tentang kewajipan yang satu ini, buat kami rasa melimpah ruah dengan kekayaan yang wajar dimiliki setelah berzakat. i told my husband, the only reason kenapa kita selalu rasa tak cukup dengan duit yang kita ada mungkin sebab kita guna duit yang bukan milik kita. Allah dah menetapkan rezeki setiap dari kita. tapi selalu kita lupa bahagian milik sendiri dan bahagian untuk orang lain. kita selalu ingat apa yang kita dapat itu hak milik sendiri. tapi Tuhan Maha Adil dan Dia juga Maha Mengetahui. ada hikmahnnya kami ke Bangi semalam dan ternampak van Pusat Zakat Bergerak. terdetik di hati adakah wajib untuk kami mengeluarkan zakat sekarang?untuk mengurangkan rasa sangsi, akhirnya terjawab sudah pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang bermain di fikiran.

walaupun bila difikir-fikir, jumlah yang dikeluarkan untuk zakat itu agak banyak untuk kami berdua yang cukup-cukup makan ni, tapi bila dikira-kira semula, masih banyak baki duit yang ada dalam simpanan. malah terlebih-lebih. zakat itu satu cara membersihkan diri dan menyucikan harta. get some info about zakat here. and if you're already eligible for zakat, it is an obligation for all of us muslims to perform it. you'll feel better afterwards. like we did. :)

me

i dont even know the relevance in publishing this post, but let just say that i want people to know. i am not pleading for any acceptance, sympathy or for people to even understand me.

1. i never start a conversation (except for a very certain reasons, i do). but if a person that i know suddenly stop talking to me due to a certain misunderstanding, let just say i wont be the first person to start the conversation. never. i dont have the reasons. i just dont.

2. i dont like to be ordered around. this can be understand from my early childhood behavior. i am rebellious. i rebel when people told me what i should do. when i was younger, i tought that was just a feeling of being a teenager. but as i grow older, i still feel quite the same even though it is not as bad. some people called it stubborn. but i think i have a disorder. communication disorder. also, i have trouble mingle around with new people. i have difficulties in making a connection with humans. some sort of like autism. but not the obvious autism. i think. but my sister said that is just socially awkward.

3. i dont have many friends. i dont really trust people. i have trust issues.

i guess that just it for now. i'll blog about this thing some other time. till then.

recently, i always end up not publishing my post, cant understand the reasons for doing so. maybe i'm thinking too much (as always). thinking that it might hurt other people's feeling. thinking that it might not be appropriate to discuss those matters virtually.

but, i must say that when you are in situation which does not permit you to act as according to your liking, it does feel quite disturbing.

also, it is quite annoying (i guess) to some people if i keep on posting anything that got to do with my relationship, my husband, my life whatsoever. therefore, i'm taking drastic measures. by stopping myself from telling about all of that. coz it feels like after quite some time people gets tired of reading the same stuff over and over again.

since i wont be talking so much about my relationship (ok, i wont stop forever, every once in awhile, i'll still post about those stuffs :p) i'll have this blog on-going by posting something that i learned from the net. anything crafty would do.

after almost 3 months of living as a wife, i did learned few stuffs from the internet. like cooking a little bit here and there. i am not like my sister who knows how to cook very well. i just sucks at cooking class. haha. but i'm still trying. if my sister is trying her hands on making lasagna, i'm trying my best to only buy a frozen lasagna. haha. that sounds terrible and pathetic. but my husband didnt complain much. since we're still living with his family, i am not comfortable to cook. it may sound like i'm lazy and not willing to try. but people can say anything they wanna say, but me and my husband know the situation better.

i dont have any material with me that can be shared, since i'm at my parents house now, so later i'll post about those stuffs.

missed my husband terribly. (see???cant stop. hahaha) hopefully, will see him by tomorrow :) insyaAllah.

till then.